#calm desktop backgrounds

[animeagorafl]

Freebie Friday: Dive into Lo-fi Dreams with Our Pink Aesthetic Digital Wallpaper!

  Hello, fellow otakus! Akira Tanaka here, your resident writer for Otaku Oasis. It’s that time of the week again! Fridays are special, not just because the weekend is knocking on our doors, but because we get to unveil our latest digital delight for our treasured readers. Today, I present a lo-fi-inspired, pink aesthetic masterpiece, perfectly capturing the serene vibes of the attached artwork.…

[bangcakes]

.

[forhappysake]

Safe With You

A/N - Another random quick piece, not edited (whoops).

Summary - Spencer comes home from a tough case. Reader tries to figure out what's bothering him with help from another team member.

Warnings - spencer x fem!reader, BAU level violence, a small lover's spat, a little white lie, fluff at the end, maybe some implied smut

Spencer was a good man. He’d had his fair share of difficulties, more so than the average person. However, he carried it well most of the time. Almost every time he came home from a case, he was relatively calm. He’d take a shower, fall asleep in bed, and forget about this case so he could focus on moving on to the next one. 

However, after he came home this evening, you could tell he was struggling with something. He paced around your shared living room, occasionally digging the heel of his hand into his eyes as if trying to wipe away some bad thought. You let it go at first, hoping he would join you on the couch. However, after ten minutes of his constantly shuffling back and forth, you decided to put an end to it. 

You rose from the couch, walking slowly over to him. Spencer had stopped at the edge of his desk, leaning over the hard oak surface to skim over some papers scattering the desktop. You gently placed your hands on his shoulders, a soft reminder of your presence. Almost immediately you could feel his shoulders drop as he released some tension into your touch. Without a word, you gently massaged the knot you felt forming at the base of his neck. 

“Don’t you think it’s time to go take a shower, honey?” you prompted gently, not wanting to upset him any more than he already was. 

Though he had leaned into your touch, you could feel him tense up a bit at the suggestion. Spencer looked down, checking the silver watch he wore on his wrist. He let out a soft sigh. He’d already been home for over an hour and had yet to settle into his typical routine. 

“Maybe so,” he mumbled. He slipped out from between you and the desk, making quick work of crossing the living room and entering the bathroom where he promptly shut the door behind him. 

You frowned at his inability to confide in you, knowing you wouldn’t be able to rest until you got to the bottom of what was going on. You looked over the files on his desk, looking for any sign of what might have upset him. He was particularly set off when cases involved children, all of the BAU were. But from this file, it didn’t seem like there was anything out of the ordinary that would make him act this way. You slunk away from the desk, feeling defeated before a thought crossed your mind: Penelope Garcia. 

You padded over to the kitchen counter to grab your phone. Scrolling through your contacts, you quickly dialed the blond computer genius and your favorite of Spencer’s many coworkers. Something about her was always so kind, so welcoming, and you knew she would be more than happy to help you figure out what was bothering Spencer. 

The phone rang once before a bubbly voice spoke from the other end of the line, “Penelope Garcia at your service,” she chided. 

“Hey, Penelope. I need help with something,” you said, not wanting to take up any more of her time than you needed to. Aside from that, you’d hate to find out what Spencer would say if he found you out here trying to get information from his coworkers. 

“Of course! Is everything okay?” she asked, concern seeping into her voice. 

“What? Oh! Yes, e-everything is fine,” you stuttered as you tried to listen for any sign that Spencer might be coming out of the bathroom. “I’ll have to make this call quick. Do you happen to know why Spencer came home so upset this evening?” 

Penelope’s end of the line was silent for a moment as she thought. “Actually, I might have an idea,” she hummed. You could hear her clacking away on a keyboard in the background, and you couldn’t help but wonder what kind of amazing multitasking skills this woman had. “This last case was pretty routine,” Penelope said, “except for the victims, in Spencer’s case.” 

You furrowed your brow. “What do you mean?” you asked. 

“They were very… similar to you, in a lot of ways. Eye color, hair color, even height. The bad guy was some jilted lover, after women who looked like the lady who’d done him wrong. Spencer, of course, thought of you nearly immediately when we saw the victim profiles. Really, we all did. He took it pretty hard.” 

Your frown turned into a grimace at the implication of Penelope’s words. “Oh but Penelope, that’s ridiculous. That case was a thousand miles away. Spencer knows I was safe here the whole time.” 

You heard Penelope tsk on the other end of the line. “That may be so, deary, but that can’t stop his genius mind from running a million miles a minute. JJ said she hadn’t seen him so worked up in a year.” 

You could hardly believe what you were hearing. You knew Spencer was protective, but you didn’t know he could get so upset over something so far out there. You shook the thoughts away from your head as you heard the shower shut off in the bathroom. “Well, I’d better go before he gets out of the bathroom. Thank you for the information, Penelope. You’re a lifesaver.”

“Don’t sweat it, mi amor. Good luck with boy genius.” With that, Penelope’s end of the line went dead and you were left with nothing but a cell phone in your hands as Spencer walked out of the bathroom. 

“Who were you talking to?” he asked, an eyebrow raised. His t-shirt clung to his damp frame as he ran a hand over the stubble on his chin. Spencer knows you have an aversion to talking on the phone. Something about texting is just so much more convenient. 

“Uh-” you tried to think of a quick lie. Anything but the truth would be perfect at this moment. “JJ. Michael couldn’t sleep. He wanted to know if you could tell him a bedtime story on FaceTime, but I told her you seemed pretty worn out and said you could do it tomorrow night instead.” That wasn’t a terrible lie. Michael had always loved Spencer’s stories, and at least once a month Spencer was bound by his godfather-duties to provide a new bedtime story. 

Spencer nodded, a strand of wet hair falling in front of his face. “I guess I’m due up for another one, aren’t I?” he asked rhetorically. He turned from you, heading down the hallway to the bedroom. You couldn’t help but wonder why, if Spencer was so worried about you, he didn’t seem to want to talk to you. 

You left your phone on the counter and followed him to the bedroom, slipping in the bedroom door and shutting it. By the time you reached the edge of the bed, Spencer had already slipped into his side and turned off his bedside lamp. You sighed. Maybe it was best not to push him. Surely he’d open up with some time. Right?

Defeated for the evening and confused by your boyfriend’s actions, you tucked yourself into your side of the bed before turning your light off. The darkness consuming the room only reminded you of the lack of his body pressed against yours as you drifted off to sleep.

***

When you awoke only two hours later, you immediately rolled over, expecting to be greeted by Spencer in the bed next to you. However, you were instead met with an empty space. The covers were messily left at the bottom of the bed as if he’d left in a hurry. You felt a small panic rising in your chest. Had he left for a case and not even told you? 

You hopped out of bed and quickly left the bedroom, nearly jogging down the hallway to your living room. You could see that Spencer’s desk lamp was on, and thankfully his silhouette was visible behind the light. He looked up when you entered, only to look back down at the papers on his desk when it was clear you were looking for him. 

“What are you doing?” you asked. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said shortly. If you’d been frustrated by your boyfriend’s actions earlier, his tone now was enough to spark a small anger in your chest. 

You took a deep breath, deciding on a plan of action. You decided to start simple, hoping it would get you somewhere. “Spence, what’s the matter?”

He didn’t look up to acknowledge you, instead choosing to flip through some more files on his desk. “I told you, I couldn’t sleep. Go back to bed.” That’s enough, you thought, his attitude making your jaw clench. 

“Look at me, Spencer,” you said pointedly. The sharpness of your voice surprised even you. Spencer nearly jumped, and you could see the guilt pooling in his eyes as he slowly made eye contact with you for the first time since arriving home. 

“Thank you,” you said. You approached his desk, perching yourself on the edge. “Do you care to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me since you got home?” 

Spencer sighed, closing the file in front of him and looking up at you. He scanned your face as he calculated a reply. “I had a bad case,” he said frankly. He wasn’t being dishonest, but you could tell he was holding something back. 

“Okay,” you said, noting your acceptance of this half-truth. “Why was it a bad case?” 

Spencer shrugged. “Anytime people die it’s a bad case, Y/N.” 

You let out a bitter laugh as you stood up from the edge of the desk, walking over to the sofa. “I get that, Spencer. But usually when you say its a ‘bad case,’” you made air quotes with your fingers, “something specific really bothers you. I want to know what it was.”

You looked back up at him, noticing that he’d closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair. If he wasn’t being so stubborn, you’d have happily climbed in his lap and appreciated his beauty, but now wasn’t the time. You’d nearly given up on getting your answer. You thought about turning away from him and going back to the bedroom, but it was then that he spoke. 

“They all looked like you,” he said bitterly. 

“Who?” you asked. 

Spencer cleared his throat, grimacing as if a bad taste entered his mouth. “All the victims. They looked just like you. I couldn’t stop… I couldn’t get it out of my head.” He spoke quietly, but honestly, and you felt relief flood you as he finally told you the truth. 

“Spencer,” you walked over to him once more, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I’m safe here. You know nothing is going to happen to me.”

He whirled around in his chair quickly, eyes wide. “I don’t know that! Especially when I’m halfway across the country. Why doesn’t anyone get it?” he stood up from his chair, running a hand through his messy hair as he began to pace again. 

“Help me understand,” you pleaded, sliding down into his desk chair. “I can’t help you if I don’t understand.”

“It’s just-” he took a deep breath, planting his feet flat on the floor to keep himself still as he started talking. “It’s just that everyone kept telling me ‘Nothing like this could ever happen to her!’ They don’t know that. I’ve seen terrible things happen to people ‘nothing could ever happen to.’” 

You fell silent, looking down at your hands folded in your lap. Spencer had seen a lifetime of trauma in his thirty-some years. You knew Spencer worried for you. You only wished you could take the burden away from him. 

“I’m sorry,” you murmured. 

“No-” Spencer shook his head. He walked over to where you sat in the desk chair, getting down on one knee so the two of you were at eye level. “Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry I was rude to you. You didn’t do anything, and it was unfair of me. Just know it’s only because I care.”

“I know you do. But, I do have to apologize. I lied earlier.” 

Spencer pulled back from you, a small frown painting his face. “Lied? About what?” 

“I was on the phone with Penelope. I wanted to know why you were upset. She filled me in.”

Spencer’s formerly furrowed brows relaxed as your words sank in. “Oh Garcia,” he sighed, “what would any of us do without her?”

You shook your head. “I don’t know,” you said truthfully. “What I do know is that I love you, and I need you to know that I’m as safe as I can be with you.” 

Spencer met your eyes, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. His eyes seemed glazed over, nearly teary. “I love you too. You know that?”

You nodded, reaching for him as he wrapped his arms around your waist. The two of you stayed like that for a minute, appreciating each other’s warmth, when you felt yourself suddenly being lifted off the chair and into the air. 

“Hey! Where are we going?” you asked, a small laugh leaving your lips as you wrapped your legs around his waist. 

“To bed,” he said into your shoulder as he walked you both towards the bedroom. “I’ve been neglecting my girlfriend for the past four hours. I think she deserves a good night’s rest.”

You pulled back from him, arms resting gently around his neck as he carried you into the bedroom. “I can think of a lot of things I deserve,” you joked. 

Spencer smirked mischievously. “Thank god I don’t have work tomorrow,” he said as he shut the bedroom door behind him.

[guncelgun]

Freestockphotos - Devasa+

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[archergrid]

“I had a dream. I was in a strange land. A vast wilderness. I went on and on, but met no one. I called, I shouted... but no one answered. I was alone.”

-Akira Kurosawa, Ran

<< Ch1-5 Ch 6-10>>

Chapter 1

Look, I get this question a lot for obvious reasons, so I know you won’t like the answer. It’s dissatisfying. But, because you asked, the best cybersecurity commercially available is something called an air-gapped computer.

An air-gapped computer has no network card. You won’t see a cerulean ethernet cord spouting from the stern of the case. There’s no hard, hollow plastic antenna to receive a wifi signal. It doesn’t have Bluetooth. My compsci professor at Tech explained it like this: there’s a literal wall of air—a gap—between the computer and anything that could inject it with compromising code. This abstinence-only approach makes air-gapped computers cheap, simple, and impenetrably secure.

But much like celibacy, not a lot of people opt for the air-gapped method. What’s the point of a computer, they ask, without e-mail and Twitter and porn? And I understand that. There were days I got so dog-tired of the manual data dumps, of examining each file down to the binary before connecting the USB, of hand-transcribing scraps of code onto sheets of paper, of the day-to-day ennui of existence inside those invisible walls. But when I broke into a system, all I saw back then was each and every way very, very bad things could get in.

The air wall was better. It let me breathe.

My laptop had to be online so I could access those vulnerable systems, but my desktop was air-gapped—a little black lockbox of my pdfs, jpgs, pngs, mp3s, mp4s, xls, txts, zips, bins, bats, dats, all my associate backgrounds and every line of my code. Knowing how safe they were in there calmed me at times like this, when I felt Julian Ek’s omniscient data network watching me like an enormous, electronic eye.

Notifications came like machine-gun fire into my phone. My apartment was dark, black under blackout curtains. I saw nothing, heard nothing, felt nothing but automated search alert after automated search alert filling my notifications: ek trial, julian ek trial, ek trial update, ek trial verdict, ek inc, joseph chambers, joseph chambers shooting, joseph chambers deepfaEk, deepfaEk, deepfaEk scandal, deepfaEk shooting edit, deepfaEk trial. More and more, on and on. I With dread, I went to Twitter, and there it was in blue and white. #EkAcquitted. It was the #2 trending topic, below #NationalVideoGamesDay. My hands began to shake. It had to be misreported—a mistake. I searched “Ek trial” and clicked the first link, scrolling past Ashlan’s disbarment and the Marshals’ conspiracy convictions to read the 6 words I’d dreaded for 4 years.

Julian Ek acquitted on all charges. 

Ek walked. I went to the Herald for nothing; became a fugitive for nothing. I gave up my parents, my friends, my condo—my dream job obviously. I blew my whole life up, and now I’m stuck here, all alone on the other side of the world. Jeopardy attached, meaning I was officially of no use to anyone; meaning I could never, ever go back home. This dusty, pitch-black 300-square foot apartment really was my life. 

I was hyperventilating. Breath after keening breath, air refused to reach my lungs, only rattle in the back of my throat. My head and stomach and knees went fuzzy. My phone screen smeared as it slipped from my hands. I reached for it and missed. The clatter of it hitting the floor—the dull pain of my thigh hitting the floor too—degraded into garbling static as I sank into gasping, grasping unconsciousness.

[navy-leader]

Mildly losing my mind so im gonna talk about my AvA AU, Heaven's Underpass

Its essentially just a demon/angel au with some minor worldbuilding and slight altering of the already existing narrative (and lots of shipping...). It is by far Not comprehensive and merely done for fun so inconsistencies abound, sacrificed for self-indulgence

I made this AU before AvA6 came out and structured the initial timeline with what we had at the time so it branches off into different alternates ever since then

Anyways the story for the most part follows the actual AvA series with the added addition of them being some sort of divine or infernal entity. Chose started off as and angel but once Chosen was captured and enslaved by noogai he burnt off his wings and became a demon. Then AvA3 rolls around, another angel was created and tasked to take down Chosen, Dark. Though after Dark was defeated and accepted Chosen's hand in partnership her divinity slowly drained out of her as she becomes a fallen angel/demon, though she doesnt fully become one until AvA5.

Then comes The Second Coming, a deity that rivaled the power of the animator but was raised amongst mortals (The Color Gang) so they never found out of their divine nature until much later. Also Green was a guardian angel watching over RBY until he got his wings stolen by a demon and became mortal like them, aint all that bad though cause now they can actually get to know eachother! He still has that protective and caring nature from his time as a guardian and extends it towards Second when they came into the picture.

Purple intermission! Cause theyre the only other character outside of the AvA series that i put much thought into. Shes a demon who had stolen an angel's wings (wink) to reach some form of divinity. I havent really thought of her background all that much but i did entertain the idea that her parents are demons but them being a mix of angel and demon but leaning more into demon sounds more interesting and i feel adds a bit more to their character. I also had the thought that King was a mortal who had made a deal with the devil to achieve his goals, that demon being Purple. He has a lot of moral dilemmas just like canon Purple but made worse because of the everything 👍

Moving on, AvA5 happens and Second awakens their divine powers (though temporarily) and Dark gets blasted into the stratosphere and becomes a proper demon, but shes not dead! Somewhere down the line she met Purple in her weakened state and they bond over their moral dilemmas like good trauma bonding buddies should do, and Purple takes care of her as she recovers

Meanwhile something appears on the desktop as the color gang head home from the events of AvA5 and find,,, a demon hollowhead? They seem confused and absolutely terrified of the mouse cursor that belongs to the animator and attempts to attack it but was soon held down by the color gang and calmed down. After a brief introduction they find out this demon's name is victim. And then this essentially follows the AU i had for if victim came back, made before AvA6 came out. I discussed it in this post here.

Anyways Second and vic and Chosen get crazy gay with eachother in the end and Purple pulls up to the desktop with Dark in tow like "hi guys meet my girlfriend!" and Dark and Chosen look at eachother like "Shit. Thats my ex." but in the end they talk it out and agreed they should see other people and yayy happy times

And then AvA6 came out and uhh crushed everyone's headcanons and i couldnt be happier!!! And then i havent really figured out what to do with the AU timeline wise and im just having fun slapping wings and horns onto these sticks and bringing out the themes inside the story to be more visual and etc etc

Anyways goodnight

[ttaibhse]

changed my desktop pic for summertime and its soooo calming and relaxing right now. i had to do this because my stupid bastard computer shut down while i was working again and i thought giving her a peaceful image might make me hate her less and it worked. does anyone else do seasonal computer/phone backgrounds btw

[quinnhills]

Good to know you're feeling welcome! :D this is our little place in the internet, and we've decided to make it trans and gay as hell (n i gotta say, i did think "they-them gang! :o" when i found out you started using they/them too a while ago X3 ) n if you received this ask more than once, my tumblr bugged out before i could finish, sorry (。_。)

anyways, and sorry if this is long, but Woe- More Tumblr Things Be Upon Ye:

there used to not be an image limit before, causing a few- interesting posts… tho that changed a few years ago and recently, at first the limit being 10 images per post to now 30 images per post (you can also move the images around a bit)

if you plan on staying long term on tumblr and use desktop the most, i recommend getting the browser extensions Xkit &/or New Xkit cuz… yeah, tumblr is pretty nice, but it sometimes gets hard to use. it also adds extra useful things to the tumblr experience, which is nice to have. i'd say tumblr is like living in a cheap apartment in a calm area of the city. the place's great for what it is, just gotta be sure to leave rat traps near holes and dont worry about the Beast down the hall,

speaking of rats, we got an infestation. you may or may not have heard of it with the voter fraudage going with the polls a bit ago; since tumblr has little to No email verification, people outside tumblr buy bots to get in here and start posting malicious links. tho the bots are surprisingly easy to identify (often times blank blogs with very weird descriptions + stolen picture of lady or ai generated. you'll know it when you see it), and the protocol here is block and report spam so staff can deal with it

and btw if you want to keep a post for as long as your blog stands, i recommend rebloggin! thanks to how tumblr is build as, even if the original post or that blog is gone, the reblog will stay with you (+ tags on reblogs dont really make a post expand outside of your own blog, so many use this to create Very intricate personal tag systems to make easier finding posts, bc once a blog gets 1k+ post in it, it gets hard finding anything on it... <- knows this from experience u.u)

oh and last thing before i go again (and something i found out recently), another browser extension ive been loving: Stylus! with it you can customize a ton of sites to your liking And with a specific style found in the archive of this extension, you can change how the dashboard looks! even changing the background to any image you might want :D

so yeah, thats it, for now. i got more info if you want it, just lmk 👉👈

and you probably already noticed this, but there isnt really any word limit for posts or asks around these lands. tho on tags, the character limit on a single tag is 139. but you can put a Lot of tags, so there! be free mx quinn, no character limit holds you down no more ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

Thank you so much for the knowledge!

Some Quinn Facts:

Mx., Ms. and Miss are all acceptable :)

I use “gay as hell” as a sort of tongue-in-cheek shorthand, but I also identify as trans as hell, queer as hell, non-binary as hell, lesbian as hell, and anxious/depressive as hell

I’m a vegetarian

My favorite food is pineapple pizza (controversial, I know)

For a few years in the early 2000s, I was a licensed auctioneer

The most times I’ve ever cried during a movie is 5 times during Happiest Season

I like the idea of books, but I’m bad at reading them

Overalls give me gender euphoria, and I don’t know why

I hope to release a solo album within the next year

I hope to direct a feature-length film by the time I’m 40

Coming out was the best thing I ever did

[artkotaro]

Good time of day (and bon appetit)

I am a Russian-speaking fan of your work. I think you know that Pinterest is spreading your creativity(and some of it went from there to here).

I will not pull the cat by the tail and ask three quick questions:

1)Can I create a telegram channel where I will translate your comics into Russian (and point you out)?

2)How do you react to the fact that your creativity is spread on different social networks?

3)How much time does it take to create art?

If there are any mistakes, I'm sorry, I know English terribly and I write with the help of a translator…

Thank you very much for sharing this with me and I will respond to each point you mention. ✨

1- I'm more than happy for you to do this, you really have more than my permission.

2- The truth is that I've already seen this situation where my art was on other media like Pinterest and even Reddit, the truth is that it doesn't bother me.

My signature and name are kept since I do a trick so that they don't take credit away from me. I've seen some recolors (which did bother me a little) but I take this with calm and humor. I see the positive side to this since there are some who may possibly see my old art on Pinterest and end up finding me and following me on my networks.

3- It depends, if I make a spontaneous drawing/doodle it takes me a maximum of one hour (more yes I give it a simple coloring ), if the drawing is in black and white an hour and a half maximum.

If it is a coloured drawing with a lot of detail (even if it doesn't have a background) 2-3 hours maximum, if it has a background it takes me 1-2 whole days to finish it. I don't even mention comics, those take me a whole day, if it's very long (with a lot of detail and colour) it takes me 5 days to finish a page.

I'll just leave a desktop here so you don't have to complicate things so much to understand all this.

Drawings/ Illustrations/ Skechs

Sketchs/Doodles simple - 2 hours

Sketchs/Doodle simple coloring - 4 hours

Black and white (LineArt) - 5-6 hours

Drawing flat color - 7 hours

Drawing flat color + simple shade - 10 hours

Drawing Full color (bottomless) - 17-20 hours

Drawing Full color (with background) - 20-23 hours

Comics and short comics

Skech simple - 5 hours

Skech + simple coloring - 7 hours

Black and white (LineArt) - 9 hours

Flat color - 9-10 hours

Flat color + simple shade - 12-14 hours

Full color (bottomless) - 14-17 hours

Full color (with background) - 21-25 hours

I forgot to mention that this depends on my time since I don't have much time to draw, when I can it's on certain days off, I don't have a personal unforeseen event or I'm not artistically blocked. Also if my phone doesn't fail me since I draw there

Don't worry, your English was perfectly understood.

[alchemistc]

Moon Breaks Knight Sneak Peak

We are a little more than a week out from the start of MBK posting, and my moodboards have been cycling through my desktop backgrounds, taunting me, so I thought I'd share a few of them along with a snippet for your reading pleasure!

Eddie's woods were vast, stretching almost beyond the border of the kingdom to west, and quite a distance south, but he'd had to leave the cover of the forest in search of a village that hadn't been set upon, and the trek back made his skin crawl. It felt unnatural to be out of the woods so long, and though he knew its reach extended well beyond the trees, Steve wasn't so in tune with it yet that he could feel that reach. It was a relief, then, to feel the prickle of the wards, the night before Beltane, as he darted through fields of wheat, eyes on the edge of the forest. The moon was almost full, and the wolf could feel the pull of it, seductive and taunting in equal measure. He'd been bitten long enough ago now that he had some measure of control over the beast that lurked beneath his skin, but tonight, so close to the realization of a two-month fixation, he let his mind wander as he entered the woods. It was late enough that he'd have no one awake to report to, he reasoned, as he padded across the forest floor in the opposite direction of the little meadow the pack had claimed as their own. The cottage was dark and silent when Steve made it to the tree line — he'd expected it to be, hoped for it, if only so he would feel comfortable padding into the clearing. Here in the glade the magic was stronger, the scent of it almost overpowering his other senses. It was a deep, richly earthy scent, nearly enough to neutralize the stench of rotting bodies that had clung to his muzzle for three days now — it was a musk he'd already begun to associate with home in a way that Robin would vehemently disapprove of, but the woods were tied to Eddie, and Eddie to the woods, and no matter that they'd never actually met face to face, Steve was fairly certain a part of him already belonged to the woods. To Eddie. His ears picked up the steady heartbeat of Gareth, the slow, even breaths from up in the branches he'd familiarized himself with if only to be able to tell it apart from the one that truly interested him. That heartbeat was less calm. Eddie was asleep, Steve could tell, but his pulse was erratic, his heart racing, and the wolf wanted desperately to clamber in through the open window to soothe him. He'd spent enough time listening to the cadence of Eddie and Gareth's voices, the ebbs and flows of their footsteps and the clatter of dishes, the scrape of chairs, the sigh of weight falling into the mattresses, to have a fair idea of the layout of the cottage, and he would clear the frame of the window in an easy leap if he just — Steve tipped his nose up to the moon and breathed deep. Those were the urges of an animal, and Steve hadn't let the moon sway him like that in years. Inside the cottage, Eddie's pulse quickened for a moment, and then began to even out. He could rest, there, just beneath the sill of the window. He'd been walking for so long, and there was a soft patch of clover there that smelled fresh and clean. The pack would never have to know exactly when he'd made it back to the forest.

[compassmili]

1 and 9 for the ask game? :3

THINK IT WAS THIS ONE. Can you guys tell I'm finally going through asks. They're so much easier to answer on desktop good lord.

1. What song makes you feel better?

FIGURE IN THE BACKGROUND by SNAKE POOL :] Kiss the Go Goat by Ghost, as well!

9. What calms you down?

Music, mainly. I really adore it... Nicotine in any way also helps a lot (Sobbing emoji.) Thinking about my OCs also sometimes helps... Working out, too.

[sablegear0]

Kairo

So I need to blog about Kairo, because the computers and tunnels post reminded me of this strange and beautiful game.

Kairo is what I can only describe as a surreal Brutalist walking sim puzzler. Yes, as in “the more conk they crete, the more Brutalismer it is” Brutalism. I hope you like concrete textures and cubes because Kairo has a lot of that. It’s also among the handful of games that I think have irreversibly altered my brain chemistry (positive).

Kairo came out in 2013, so I wasn’t that young and impressionable at the time, but something in this game definitely struck a chord with me. It’s relaxed, contemplative, minimalistic. Scenic despite the simplicity of it, calming despite the starkness around you. Take a look at the Steam page linked above for some screenshots to get a sense of the visual style. (I used to have a bunch of screenshots I used for desktop backgrounds at one time but they seem to have vanished, so I unfortunately am not including images in this post.)

It’s a lot of simple, geometric, Brutalism-adjacent structures in various coloured light washes. But it’s... pretty in its own way. I think this was the piece of media that helped me come around to this sort of aesthetic. Previously, like the computers-and-tunnels post, I liked a grungier, more complicated feel to my industrial spaces, a la the Half-Life games. Bit Kairo... Kairo was serene.

The sound design, too, reflects this calm starkness of everything. The soundtrack is super ambient and synthy, usually calming and occasionally spooky. There are only two tracks I could even say come close to being “intense,” those being the menu theme and one particular area that seems designed to put you a bit on edge. The artist Wounds does a great job of conveying the empty, otherworldly vistas of Kairo. (It’s great reading music, too. Check it out here.)

I was rapt when I first found it, though it certainly helped that a favourite YouTuber at the time was how I discovered it. (Playlist here, KurtJMac’s run is commentated but he’s pretty lowkey overall.)

The puzzles range from extremely simple perspective/movement puzzles to moderately challenging password puzzles, excluding two notably obtuse examples - one where you have to memorize a series of notes and play them back in a room very far away, and another that (ideally) requires you to collaborate with other players to reveal the whole solution. Both of these thankfully are optional, and can be looked up online now that the game has been out for ages. Both, I believe, are also required for the game’s secret (not “true”) ending.

I’m not sure what else to say other than give it a try/watch it. I really cant recommend it enough, honestly. It’s very cheap on Steam and isn’t terribly long, complicated, or hardware-demanding. (Though if you do play it, I recommend turning off the visual-noise filter in the settings. It’s easier to look at and looks better without it.) Kairo is less a game and more a powerful vibe, I guess? It’s a walking sim with some puzzles in it, but it has a very unique feel to it. On reflection I think it’s due for a comeback; it has a lot of the “liminal space” feel that internetizens seem to be going nuts for lately, but predates it all by a clean decade.

It’s near and dear to my heart, and a game I come back to every now and then for a chill pick-me-up.

[littleguypumpkinsheep]

Get in

Ah. I like how it’s in the windows desktop background. I get to be [REDACTED] in serene and calm beauty

[angelofrainfrogs]

Into the Pit: Ch. 2

~Coauthored by @zeitghest~

Fandom(s): Five Nights At Freddy’s: Security Breach

Description: He should be in the Daycare. 

Gregory emerges from the ball pit to find not the bright, rainbow room he’s accustomed to, but a house with a huge backyard and a kiddie pool of plastic “water.” Calling for Gregory is a familiar voice—Michael. Only this time it’s not Charlie or Freddy by his side, but someone completely new. And why do they insist on calling him their son?

Gregory soon comes to realize this existence is vastly different from anything he remembers. Perhaps these last few weeks at the Pizzaplex have all been a dream…?

Rating: T

Read on Ao3

“No, he isn’t,” Michael said, still in that quiet, measured voice. One hand rubbed mindless patterns on Gregory’s back, giving him something to focus on besides the terrible images his brain was twisting William’s masked appearance into.

“You love Bonnie, remember?” Mike reminded gently. It was true—Freddy was the clear favorite, but Bonnie undoubtedly had a special place in Gregory’s heart, too. “And anyway, you know that’s not really Bonnie. It’s just your troublesome granddad…”

He trailed off with a purse of his lips. William was wonderful with Gregory for the most part, but damn did Michael wish the stubborn man listened to him sometimes.

“William adores you, Greg, and he’d never do anything to hurt you.” There was a pause as Michael seemed to consider something.

What had the therapist said? Sometimes Gregory might be afraid of things that seem irrational, and the fear might pop up suddenly. The best thing to do in that situation was to assure him there were people around to protect him and let him come out of it on his own time. Michael certainly experienced a similar thing with Evan growing up… just another way his brother and his son were connected besides their coincidental looks.

“I’m not moving until you’re ready for me to,” Michael assured, still keeping up that steady pattern tracing with his fingertips. It was a silent way to say: I’m here. I love you. You’re not alone anymore. “Take all the time you need."

Gregory wasn't letting go of Michael. For the time being, the guy was all that he could trust—

But how could he say all those things? It contradicted everything Gregory thought he knew about... well, everything.

Gregory managed to sniffle, holding in his fear and swallowing it long enough to see the room that Michael had taken him into. They were sat on a soft rug that looked like it’d been plucked straight from a 90's arcade—a deep blue background with many little neon shapes and blacklight designs. A loft bed loomed over them with a kid-sized desk and impressive desktop computer facing them. From what he could see, many posters from the Pizzaplex were hanging in frames along the walls, perfectly filling empty spaces of the striped wallpaper. For now, Gregory would ground himself on Michael's words and his surroundings alone; combined, they were enough to get his bearings.

Was this really his life?

Could he even trust Michael anymore…?

When Gregory pulled away just slightly to look Mike in the eyes, everything inside told him that he could. The worried way Michael glanced at him was the same look he had inside the Daycare before he entered that damn ball pit.

“...Dad?” Gregory tried experimentally. In the apparent absence of Freddy, that's who Mike was to him now in this weird maybe-dream-world, right? His father.

He'd have to calm down; pretend as if he knew everything that was going on and soak in this new perspective. It might be the only way to survive until he got a legitimate handle on things.

“I-I'm really sorry... I don't know what came over me,” Gregory apologized, recognizing his fears were irrational, even if they didn't feel like it. If Michael didn't hate William—if William was a good person—then Gregory wasn't sure if he could believe his own instincts anymore.

The kid wasn't even aware that there'd been a good eight minutes where he simply said nothing and clung to his dad's shirt. Sometimes that's all he needed; time to figure it out in his head. Even now he was left flailing inside his own mind, trying to come to terms with what his life was. It wasn't nearly as bad as he was making it seem, surely. Yet it was certainly different; uprooting. 

“Hey, what’ve we talked about? No apologizing for that sort of thing, alright?” Finally, Michael’s face softened into a slightly less concerned expression. He gave Gregory a squeeze, a tiny smile lifting up the corner of his mouth. “It’s fine for you to be afraid of things, even if they might seem ridiculous. As long as you know that you’re safe and that your dad and I are here for you at the end of the day, that’s all that matters.” He chuckled with a roll of his eyes. “And your grandpa too, despite his eccentricities.”

Michael would need to have a serious talk with William about not sneaking up behind Gregory like that… if Jeremy hadn’t already taken up the task, of course. Running his fingers through Gregory’s hair, he had to ask: “Is there anything you want to talk about? It’s fine if not, but if there’s something I can ease your mind on, I’d like to try.”

Mike and Jer tried to be relatively open books with Gregory, in the hopes that someday he’d understand that he really could tell them anything—good or bad.

Gregory looked at him with scrunched eyebrows. Michael was right on some level; blaming himself for the reactions everyone was pulling from him wasn't going to help. He thought hard about how he wanted to phrase everything, trying to search for some truth in the fog of this place—to deduce if he was truly awake or dreaming right then.

“...I think I had the most realistic dream of my entire life. And it freaked me out so bad I, like—forgot what real life is for a minute?” Gregory said slowly, unsure in himself. Was that a thing? Where people couldn't tell what was real or not because of the vividness of their dreams? “I was trapped with you and Charlie in the Pizzaplex—but you guys were ghosts inside of robots? Th-Then Freddy adopted me and—and Will—no, Pappy, I guess? That's weird... He was trying to put this glowy stuff in me with a syringe and make me live forever...”

The more Gregory talked about it, the more ridiculous it sounded. A child's terrified flight of fancy rather than something rooted in reality. In his messed-up mind, was Freddy a replacement for his parents? Was William truly a good family man?

There was warmth under his fingertips, and he’d heard the distinctive beating of a heart as he rested on Michael’s chest. Was everyone still alive?

Gregory’s eyes snapped back up to Michael. “It was so real! Everyone was there, too!”  

For a moment, Mike simply listened to Gregory’s rant with an attentive look. He did a pretty good job keeping his expression measured, though it was a wonder he didn’t chip a tooth with how hard his jaw was clenched.

This was… a lot. Gregory certainly had a vivid imagination, but Michael didn’t realize it was this good. To have a dream so lucid one was convinced reality was the false world? He’d heard of that happening before, but never did he think Gregory would experience such a thing.

“…Wow,” he remarked after a moment of processing, blinking down at his son a few times before smiling again. “That sounds like quite an adventure! No wonder you’re so on edge today.”

Especially if he thought he’d been adopted by a robot bear, his family was dead, and his dear old grandad was going to inject him with immortal juice…

“I can assure you, though—” Michael went on, a playful glint in his eye even though his words were sincere. “I am one hundred boring flesh and blood. So’s Charlie—no freaky human robots or ghosts to be found. And like I said, Pappy wouldn’t lay a finger on you. Besides—” A dark little grin curled up the corner of Michael’s mouth, reminding Gregory of the unflappable determination to protect his family lurking just underneath the surface. “—Father knows I’d take him down in a heartbeat if he even thought of harming a hair on your head.”

Said brown hair was ruffled to an unruly degree as if to demonstrate this fact. When the boys settled again, Michael met Gregory’s gaze with one of complete understanding and acceptance. “Thanks for telling me all this, Gregory. Are you feeling any better now?”

He didn't feel great, but talking about it did help. Gregory rubbed his face before answering, finding Michael's retort a little funny as the first hint of a smile reached his lips.

“Yeah... I don't know what made me think any of that was real.” He spoke as if he didn't quite want to admit it. He sniffed, clearing his nose a little as his breathing returned to normal, leaning his head into his dad’s hand with a sigh. The power of dreams, he supposed. Of his own accord, Gregory gave Michael a proper hug, thanking him. “I'm glad you're easy to talk to... Dad.”

He found it hard not to call him Michael for some odd reason. Gregory stood, ready to go back and face down the man he was so convinced was a monster hell-bent on capturing him, and the stranger who also called himself “Dad.” He trusted Michael's word above anything, and was sure that he could trust anyone Mike trusted, too.

The moniker was a little forced, but that was alright. Perhaps Michael wasn’t Gregory’s father in this hyper-realistic dream? He wasn’t sure what else he’d be to the kid whose adoption papers were literally locked within the safe box in his room, but it seemed Gregory trusted him regardless.

“And I’m glad you feel that way, Greg,” Michael replied, watching his son finally dislodge his death grip and stand. Mike’s shirt was a bit wet from the sniffling, though he didn’t care. “You can come to me and Jer about anything—we’re always here for you.”

That guy was just as head over heels about Gregory as Michael was, and through Gregory had always seemed to lean slightly more on Mike, over time he’d accepted that Jeremy was just as willing to listen with a caring ear.

“Speaking of your dad—” Michael’s grin widened, the gold band on his finger glinting in the light when he held out his left hand for Gregory to take. “—we should probably make sure he and Pappy still have all their limbs intact.”

It was a clear joke, but things had been a little tough when the blonde initially fell into Michael’s life. William came around eventually though—and he’d done the same for Gregory. Now the pair were just another set in the ever-expanding Afton family.

It was true that Jeremy and William had a rocky start to their relationship. Over time, Jeremy being a part of Michael’s life as well as his own became routine and unavoidable. It wasn’t something William could fight, as the man made his son happy. Eventually they found common ground. It was around the time that the boys had decided to adopt Gregory that their squabbles teetered off, in fact.

Giving his face one last wipe with his sleeve, Gregory trusted his hand to Mike’s and followed him back down the staircase. This time Gregory took closer looks at the many frames that were scattered on the walls, trying his best to associate names with faces on the way down. Sitting calmly at the table, leg crossed one over the other was his supposed grandfather, leaning back as he blew on a piping cup of tea. His pale eyes flicked to Gregory, and he smiled sweetly.

“Gregory… I’m so sorry for scaring you, sport. I didn’t see that you were frightened,” William apologized, not moving as he waited for the boy’s approach.

“S’alright…,” Gregory murmured in response, seeing just from demeanor alone that this William was certainly different than the one he met before.

Still strange beyond a doubt—but less overtly psychotic off the bat.

Clearing his throat, William pushed the present on the table towards Gregory as a peace offering.

“I spent a good two weeks on this one,” he boasted, looking down at his fingernails with charismatic glib. “Don’t feel like you have to open it now, but I thought you’d find it useful.”

If it was anything like the last present he gave Gregory, it might be painful. Waiting would only raise his anxiety though, so Gregory carefully unwrapped the present, flinching with each little sound the crinkling paper made. He looked to Jeremy and Michael before lifting the tiny lid, as if waiting for final reassurance that a hypodermic needle wasn’t about to pop out of this thing, too.

“Go ahead, little dude! You’re gonna love it,” Jeremy encouraged, so Gregory did—and gasped at what he saw: the tiniest Music Man ever!

Looking oh-so-impressed with himself, William leaned his weight on the back legs of his chair. “Yep! Complete with a Bluetooth speaker and an alarm function! He’s a little friend who can play you tunes and wake you up in the morning.”

“Amazing work as ever, Dad,” Michael praised, patting William on the shoulder as he passed on the way to the stove. Satisfied that Gregory wasn’t going to scream in fright or lash out at the gift, Mike turned away to pour his own cup of tea using water from the still-hot kettle.

William was happy for the recognition—even if he had a little help from his dear friend Henry for the detail work, it wasn’t unlike him to put on a persona of being able to do everything.

While the leaves steeped, Michael sidled up to Jeremy in the kitchen. Resting his hip against the counter, Michael leaned over to murmur in his ear. “He’ll be okay—he had a bad nightmare. Super realistic; made him all out of whack. I think he’ll be in a bit of a funk the rest of the day, but he already seems to be getting better.”

“He’s feeling sensitive today. Poor little man…,” Jeremy whispered in a pained sigh. He wished he could wave Gregory’s woes away with a few choice words or actions. Sadly, Gregory’s therapist said some days just weren’t going to be easy. Still, he and Mike knew the kid was far better off with them now, despite the occasional setbacks.

Gregory was stunned for a moment. He didn’t expect anything good to come from a present courtesy of William Afton, let alone a personal mini-bot. Noting the carabiner on his back, Gregory quickly clipped Mini Music Man to the belt loop on his cargo shorts.

“I love him… Thank you,” Gregory said honestly, looking like he was about to cry again, but held back the tears. It was, ironically, the first birthday gift he'd gotten in years. Or at least the first one he could remember. He was pulled into a side hug by William, unexpected but not completely unwarranted.

“Alright!” Michael stood up straight, clapping his hands together with a grin. “Here’s the plan for today: we can hang out here and digest breakfast, then get changed and meet the Emilys at the Pizzaplex. Sound good?”

His tea was steeped well enough now, so he picked up the cup and took a long, satisfying sip. Nursing the mug in his hands, he raised an eyebrow at William. “Think you’ll come along, Dad? I can ask if Liz and Evan want to meet there, too—make it a real party.”

Of course, there was already a private event planned tomorrow for Gregory’s actual birthday… But there was always time to host an impromptu one, even if the “party” just involved roaming the Pizzaplex playing whatever games caught their fancy.

As Gregory listened to his apparent father, William leaned over to gently tuck a lock of hair behind the boy's head in silent inspection. Not quite in a judgmental manner, though perhaps looking at the quality of his cut. Finding it very odd with the way William cared about his appearance, Gregory just let him play with his shaggy locks. It seemed to keep the old guy happy. Even if it was reminiscent of the horrible time he had in Fazerblast…

“I was planning on it. Henry left his cards at my house last Wednesday,” William replied to Mike without looking. “Should he not be in, I’m sure Samuel or Charlotte could give them back for me.”

“I wanna see Evan and Liz!” Gregory exclaimed, hoping maybe they’d have some ideas as to what was going on. Now that he was calming down, Gregory could think clearly how to go about finding out what happened to him.

“Okay, okay!” Michael laughed, holding one of his palms up as if to stop the force of Gregory’s excitement from bowling him over. At least he still had the same enthusiasm about his aunt and uncle that he always did.

Taking another long swig of tea, Michael too noted Gregory’s hair. Glancing side-long at Jeremy, by the confused look on his face it seemed like he hadn’t been responsible for the new ‘do either. Maybe Gregory did it himself? A little form of self-expression as he neared his teenage years. The half-flattened style’s reminiscence to one Mike wore in the 80's brought a little smile to his lips.

After downing the rest of his drink, Michael pulled out his phone. As he typed a message to his “Afton Bros (& Sis)” group chat, he suggested: “Greg, why don’t you chill in the living room with dad and grandpa while I get changed; I’m sure you can find some reruns of Freddy and Friends, if you want.”

Michael paused his typing, glancing up to make sure Gregory was okay with the idea. If he still wasn’t comfortable being left alone with the others, they’d make do—although Mike hoped the kid would be fine doing something as innocuous as watching TV with his dad.

Jeremy seemed to be waiting with baited breath for Gregory’s response. And, from Gregory’s perspective, he was pretty sure he could outrun William should he feel threatened. He didn’t know about Jeremy though. The guy looked like he was still fairly active for some guy in his fifties—

Not just “some guy,” Gregory thought, trying to reason with his own paranoia. He’s your other dad. And the dude made you the best pancakes. He must care about you.

“Sure!” he said, noting Jeremy perk up at his chipper response.

Jer was thankful that the strangeness of this morning had mostly blown over. Gregory was back to Earth so to speak, and he started off for the living room first—but not before giving Michael a grateful squeeze around the waist before departing from him. William stood up, using the table before him as leverage.

“You two go ahead without me; I’ll be having a smoke outside,” he warned, knowing Jeremy and Michael hated when he smoked indoors—especially around the kid.

“I wish you'd quit that habit,” Mike said with the heavy sigh of a long-standing argument. The Aftons were all stubborn in their own right, and William and Michael were the most strong-willed of them all. It was sometimes a wonder how they managed to get along as well as they did, with all the age-old bickering they got into.

Despite this, it was clear they cared for each other. With another pat to his father's shoulder as they split ways, Michael headed off to his room to get changed and clean up a bit before their outing.

***

When Mike came back downstairs, he heard one of the most pleasing sounds in the universe: the laughter of his two favorite people. Grinning from ear to ear, he stepped into the living room to see the pair sitting on the couch together, giggling at some stupid joke Jeremy was telling. The TV was on, and true to Michael's prediction the familiar animals were up to their hijinks on screen. No one really seemed to be paying attention though, and it sent a pang of warmth through Michael's heart to see Gregory and Jeremy having fun together.

“Oh god... what dumb story is Jer telling you now?” Michael asked, sinking into the cushion on Gregory's other side. “I bet Sam can hear you guys cackling from the Pizzaplex...”

Gregory had been leaning on Jeremy’s shoulder, laughing along with him. To fill Mike in, Jeremy tried his best to stop his chuckles. “I was telling Greg about that time I took over nightshift for that week, around when we first met. You remember how we had to wear those masks?”

There were various reasons why they used the masks from what Jeremy remembered. The biggest was so that the animatronics didn’t escort you back to the ‘party,’ even though opening hours were long past. Such buggy A.I….

“Remember when they found me with Bonnie hugging me? He thought I was Freddy and just bugged out. I don’t know if you knew—but I was sitting still for 4 hours,” Jeremy went on, recalling how he couldn’t move or say anything as Bonnie talked and talked. Gregory started laughing again when Jeremy retold the story, maybe not as hard but still finding that situation both horrifying and hilarious altogether.

“If our manager didn’t find me in the morning, I was going to pee myself. HE WOULDN’T LET ME GET UP,” Jeremy stressed, relating to one moment in his life where he was genuinely afraid of Bonnie, even if the bunny wasn’t trying to hurt him to begin with. The story itself was for Gregory not to feel upset when he was scared by William’s mask.

Will, who sat comfortably in a Lay-Z-Boy adjacent to the couch, had a smirk across his face. He got a silent kick out of knowing Jeremy was trapped in a confined office with one of his designs. Still, it was a good thing he wasn’t seriously hurt, or it might not have been so funny of a story for him or the business.

“That facial recognition software—always told Henry the programming had holes,” William reminisced amiably. Though technological marvels in themselves, the older models were a far cry from the Glamrocks that free-roamed the halls of the Pizzaplex.

“Gregory, you want to go change?” Michael suggested once the group had calmed down. Even if the kid loved that adorable hoodie, it was in definite need of a wash... The thin layer of dirt and dust led Mike to wonder how long he'd had the thing without their knowledge, let alone what he'd gotten into while wearing it. “We can leave once you and Jer are ready.”

Jeremy lifted one of Gregory's arms to inspect the sleeve of the hoodie with a grimace.

“Dude, please change this. These stains are probably going to set if I don't pretreat it,” he said, hoping to convince their son when it looked like he still wanted to cling to this new favored piece of clothing.

“Al-riiiight...” Gregory sighed, reluctantly unzipping his hoodie to relinquish into Jer's waiting hands.

“Thank you,” Jeremy replied, making a stop in the laundry room before heading upstairs to change. As he folded the hoodie over a few times to count all the stains he'd have to touch up, he reminded kindly: “Put your dirty clothes in the hamper, too, please—not just the floor.”

Gregory felt almost bad, abandoning the idea of Freddy as his father figure—he and the bear had gone through so much together. Apparently though, it all seemed to be a figment of his imagination.

“Sure, Dad; I'll be down in a minute!” Gregory would find no issue tidying up to keep the nice house he suddenly lived in clean, as the conditions he'd remembered living inside his dreams with those horrendous demons Rita and Terry scared him straight about being the least bit messy.

William watched Gregory go with a thoughtful look on his face, waiting until the boy was out of earshot to quirk a brow at his eldest.

“Remember when he was little and would put his underwear on the outside of his pants?” he asked, laughing softly at the memory. “I can't believe he's going to be thirteen tomorrow... It's like you two only got him yesterday.”

Michael snorted, shaking his head at the endearing recollection. One of the first times meeting his granddad, William had popped over for a surprise visit and Gregory managed to slip out of his room before Jeremy could finish helping him dress—underwear over his jeans, no shirt to be found, and one sock on inside-out. Michael had been mortified, since William was still warming up to the idea of a grandkid that wasn't his own blood... but thankfully the incident had the opposite effect, as the Afton patriarch burst out into laughter at the sight of the kid bolting out of his room with Jeremy tripping after him. From that moment on, it was clear who the favorite grandkid was (though Will would never admit this aloud).

Even if Gregory didn't share the same genetics—though it was pretty damn questionable with Evan's little face staring back at them every day—he'd somehow burrowed his way into William's heart.

When Michael and Jeremy told William that Gregory came from a bad foster house, he was ready to call the child a bad apple before setting eyes on him. He’d been fully prepared to show up at their home for a rather disappointing meeting of some random child. William didn't like admitting he was wrong—but this time he made a supremely rare exception to his own rules by apologizing for his opinions on the adoption the same night.

“I'm just glad he's adjusted so well,” Michael responded, angling his body to face his father in the recliner. They'd been warned Gregory came with some baggage, but that only made Jeremy and Mike all the more determined to provide him with a safe, loving home. 

“Mhm, me too,” William agreed, sure that they were thinking similarly as his vision trailed to the TV once more.

Gregory heard Jeremy pass his room as he searched the place for clues about his life. Anything to try and jog a memory he seemingly lost. He found journals, old stationary pages from a school he didn’t remember attending. Gregory Fitz-Afton, was his name to the fullest extent of his knowledge. He apparently owned a few gaming consoles, neatly tucked away into wooden cubbies in his room and covered in stickers and decals. A sweet-looking computer set up under his loft bed made him wish he remembered having such nice things... Maybe later he’d be able to discover more pieces to who he truly was.

When Jeremy knocked at his door and asked him if he was almost ready to leave, Gregory had to quickly shove all the evidence he was gathering back atop his dresser. From there he called that he’d be just five minutes and quickly found an outfit: jeans, tank top, flannel. A quick change, and after remembering to carry his dirty clothes to the hamper he was barreling down the stairs in no time.

“Whoa!” With a fast-step, Michael narrowly avoided getting run over by his wayward child. Tutting, he called after the disappearing figure: “No running in the house, Gregory! Thaaaank you!”

Another few minutes of final preparation and everyone was gathered by the front door. Michael patted down his pockets, making sure he had his keys and wallet—containing their priceless all-access Pizzaplex passes, of course—before looking to the group with a smile. “Okay, I think we're ready!”

With a turn of the knob the door was opened and they filed out. After making sure the house was locked tight, Michael trotted down the front steps after the others.

“We'll see you in a bit, Dad,” he said, watching William get in the little purple car. Holding up a set of keys, he jingled them in the air before tossing them to his husband. “Jer—catch! You're driving today.”

“HECK yes!” Jeremy rejoiced. After the keys landed hard into his palm, he went and opened up Gregory’s door for him before trekking over to the driver's side of the van. Before starting the engine, he made sure that Gregory was buckled—the kid tended to forget all the time and they were trying to break the bad habit in him while he was young. “Greg, you all set?” 

“Yup; let's go!” Gregory replied easily, to looking out the window. He took stock of the neighborhood—houses spaced far apart with nice, manicured lawns. It seemed pretty nice, and it was a shame Gregory still knew nothing about this place.

He only felt the car move as soon as William pulled out into the road to start speeding down the cul-de-sac. Jeremy raised a brow, easing onto the main road at a much more reasonable pace. “Ey, Mikey, is your dad trying to race me?”

Gregory preoccupied his time with inspecting the Mini Music Man, unhooking him from his belt loop and playing with his limp little legs before finding the tiniest button that powered him on. The spider-like musical creature immediately scurried up Gregory's arm, eliciting a surprised sound as the robotic companion came to rest on his shoulder. There, he played a little midi-synthesizing beat that Gregory found himself laughing at.

“Pay him no mind,” Michael said quickly, face paling at the memory of all the near-misses—and some not misses—William had caused over the years due to his frankly concerning driving. There was a reason Mike always insisted on taking their car whenever they went on family outings...

At the sound of Gregory's gasp Michael shifted around to look in the back seat, chuckling along with his son when the excited robot played its jaunty little tune.

“That's adorable,” he remarked, having to give his dad credit for his skill—even though he was sure Uncle Henry had at least a small part in the design. Assured that Gregory was okay for the moment, Michael turned back around to stare out the window, smiling as he felt Jeremy grasp his hand where it rested between the front seats.

Gregory was both astonished and relieved that the little automaton didn't try to stab him the moment of its activation. He giggled at the silly creature, entertained through the 20-minute ride from the sleepy cul-de-sac towards the inner portions of Hurricane. This area was more his speed; he knew these streets and free spots to hang around in vividly. He’d slept on these park benches, the memory of cold stone still pressed into his skin.

Gregory absently rubbed his forearms to chase away the phantom chill. If it’d all been a dream, then why did it feel so real?

***

Previous Chapter ~~ Next Chapter

Looking for more? Check out the Chapter Masterlist on Tumblr!

Or check out the entire Wires that Bind Us Series on ao3!

[safyresky]

Scrimbly Jacqueline 10/52: Prepping for MARCH with a well deserved SPA DAY AT THE SPRINGS BABY.

LOOK AT HER. LOOK AT MY GIRL.

Ty @someheroescarryfloss for the suggestion!

You bet your ASS she gets a spa day. I could use one myself, tbh, lmao. ANYWAY I read your suggestion and .1 seconds later I went OH MY GOD A SOAK AT THE SPRINGS.

March is her least favourite month. Spring gears up, and so does Winter--it's a DOOZY and more often than not she gets pulled into it. By mid-March, she's hiding; by April, both she and Jack are off the grid. It's vacation time, they say. Fuck Spring, Winter replies, throwing an ice storm at us mid-April AFTER WE'VE ALL CHANGED OUR WINTER TIRES TO THE SUMMER ONES--

Ok I'm calm. Cool. Chill. Uh. Here's the not-app brightened version! Fun fact! This one looked better on mobile, and when I went to desktop, the brighter app-brightened version popped more, lol. One day. I'll have a place. With natural lighting enough. to take good photos of my silly little scribbles. ANYWAY. NO FILTER:

Some FUN FACTS about this one:

had to scroll real far down on Jacquie's Pinterest board to find the swimsuit inspo. ended up not even using one of the pinned ones (but it is pinned now!)

top purple bit was gonna be white. but. well. we all know my struggle with lack of white-ish marker 🫠🫠🫠. and purple is my fave colour! and maybe jacqueline's too, lol

idk how to shade but i had so much fun colouring I gave it a go :)

seriously. SO much fun colouring. I couldn't NOT picture this one w/out a background, EVEN IF IT'S AS SIMPLE AS THIS

please imagine steam lines wafting. it is hot and steamy at this particular spring set. it's a bunch of little pools that are VERY HOT for muscle hurty reasons.

the orange drink IS frozie and IS alcoholic

she likes strawberries a normal amount

she will eat the cucumbers on her eyeballs lol

her hair simply will not stay up in a bun, hence why it is spilling out to one side in a very 80s manner lol

water reflections are FUN but i wish i had kept going bc now that bottom left corner is bugging me

ALSO. I DO THESE ON SCRAP PIECES OF PAPER, AND LET ME TELL YOU. COLOURING WITH THE MIXED MEDIA I USE???? IT IS A WEAK WEAK PIECE OF PAPER NOW!!! I NEED TO COLIBRI THAT BAD BOY ASAP. MAYBE EVEN FIND A SCRAP BACKING FOR IT, WEEEEEE~

I am very tired. and probably still will be when I post this tomorrow lol. THE TIRED JUST DOES NOT QUIT. Anyway, plz enjoy this scrimbly, brought to you in part by YOUR REQUESTS! hell yeah >:)

[rainbowsky]

so today my mom was over at my place and my desktop background is a picture of xiao zhan from his winter solstice shoot, and when she saw it she asked who the hottie was and i had to restrain myself bc it was not the time place or the right person to info dump to! luckily or maybe unfortunately as an autistic person "conceal don't reveal" is a thing at which i excel alkjhslkdjf

but that got me wondering if i could perhaps ask for your perspective and experience with this, since i know you are also autistic. i find it very difficult to determine how much of my hyperfixations and special interests are safe to reveal to others and i've had some not so great reactions before so now i tend to keep up the mask and hold it all in, even with people close to me. as a result i know i probably come across as a very boring and negative person who is never interested in anything. i don't think i'm like that, but honestly i'm not sure anymore. i've pretended for so long i don't really know who i am.

do you share a lot with the people around you about your special interests? how do you know when where and to whom it's safe? does it all come down to surrounding yourself with good and understanding people that you're comfortable around and that accept you completely? writing it out now it looks so simple, like yes of course that's what i'm supposed to do! but how?? i don't know how to read people and on the occasions i have decided to trust someone and it turned out to be a huge mistake it feels really bad to be proven wrong, and being wrong lowers the chances that i'll open up again.

i can't help but fear that i will never be able to truly be myself around other people. in online spaces it's possible to stay anonymous and it's easy to just block and ignore the assholes, but it seems much harder irl. do you perhaps have any tips? since we have some of the same interests and your blog exudes a calm and accepting energy i feel like you would be a good person to ask. i hope it doesn't put you out.

thanks so much and take care! 💜

Hi Anon! 💖

It's not your job to protect people from your personality. I'm sad whenever I see this being taught to people, it's so wrong.

There is an affirmation that's been making the rounds for years that is so true: "You deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable."

A lot of neurodivergent people seem to carry the baggage of neurotypical people's disdain toward, impatience with and disrespect for the differences of others, and to that I say: BS. Their bigotry, ignorance and entitlement are not your problem.

A lot of the standards and expectations around how people 'should' be are a product of dominance culture (aka white supremacy culture). The belief that there is 'one right way' to be - and that the only way to be worthy and acceptable in society is to conform to that 'one right way' - is a core feature of dominance culture. That culture is one of the most destructive forces on the planet, and I urge everyone to root it out and dismantle it wherever they find it.

In fact there are many wonderful ways to be and live, and in a conformist world our choice to love ourselves, be ourselves and pursue self-actualization is a revolutionary act.

Of course we can and should work with others to build bridges across our differences and find ways to ensure that both people's needs get met in our relationships. But it's important that it is a two-way street, and not just a situation where we're doing all the adapting and accommodating and they're reaping all the benefits of being catered to*.

When that happens we end up having our value and self-esteem undermined while theirs is boosted, validated and affirmed. That only exacerbates the power imbalances and further erodes the relationship and our ability to build healthy, trusting connections.

*Contrary to popular belief, neurodivergent people spend their lives and a great deal of energy accommodating neurotypical people - not the other way around. The fairly recent, mostly tokenistic attempts to make spaces and cultures more 'ND-friendly' can't even hold a faint candle to the insane pretzels ND people have had to twist ourselves into for decades trying to 'fit in' and be accepted into a world which still caters almost exclusively to able-bodied, white, straight, cisgender, affluent, educated, neurotypical people.

So, to answer your question - be yourself, and in this way you will find your people.

Authenticity is the only way to build authentic relationships and connections.

If there are people in our lives who don't understand us and who treat our interests and our personalities as 'a problem', that's a problem that both sides need to address. We need to self-examine and make sure we are making space for the other person to express themselves, but they also need to do the same for us.

Balance is found by working together toward a common goal - a genuine connection between two people. Make sure that you both share that goal. Communicate your needs and ask them to share what their needs are as well.

Our needs matter.

Don't let them go unnoticed, unacknowledged and unmet. Not by you or anyone else.

We're all in fandom, we're all familiar with the concept of 'the confession'. This is actually an important concept in all relationships, not just romantic ones. Because in ALL relationships, being yourself is the ultimate act of love.

Just like a love confession, it requires vulnerability, trust and a desire to connect. When we reach out to someone to share some part of who we are inside, we are initiating a connection with that person and giving them the gift of our authentic self.

If they are unable or unwilling to accept that and meet us where we are, then they are probably not the right person for us to connect with, or else they aren't yet ready to connect.

That can be painful and can feel like a form of rejection, but I try to take those things as useful information, and treat my personality as a friend filter. Those who are put off by me aren't the right people for me to try to be close to. I want to surround myself with people who are able to be real with me and accept me and celebrate me for who I am (and vice versa).

Special interests are a big part of that, because they become so central in our lives. If we have people close to us who can't make space for us and our special interests in some way, then we will end up feeling lonely and invisible. That becomes even worse when we are shamed and ridiculed for our interests.

I go back to what I said before - our needs matter. If we work toward having truly reciprocal, equitable relationships where both people's needs are being met, we will be happier overall.

Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication is a great place to start on that project.

Trust is hard. I am naive and trusting to a fault, and I have to lean heavily at times on others who have my best interests in mind, or else I end up being bullied or taken advantage of.

If you're struggling with that, I urge you to find someone you can truly trust (preferably multiple people) - such as a close friend or family member who has proved to truly have your best interests at heart, or if you can't find that, a therapist who understands your needs and vulnerabilities and can be a support and a sounding board - and get their help and advice in situations you're uncertain about.

If you can't find a therapist and you have no close people you trust, there are many online communities and groups where you can find like-minded people to bounce these things off of.

Most importantly, always remember that everything we say, do and think can only ever be a reflection of ourselves, our values, and what's in our hearts and minds. It can never be about anyone else.

If people treat you badly it's not because you're bad, it's because they are.

(or rather, because they're unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited, in a dark place, self-focused to a fault, etc. etc. but that doesn't make as memorable a sound bite)

Don't let unexamined, unevolved, mean-spirited people, etc., etc. teach you to think or feel badly about yourself. Understand that hurtful criticism is about the other person and their expectations, values and attitudes, not about you.

Exercise healthy boundaries. Understand where the other person ends and where you begin, and refuse to take on things that aren't part of who you are. Ask yourself, "Do I truly agree with what this person is saying?"

Is what the other person claims true, fair, honest, and said in the spirit of compassion and connection, or was it said in a judgmental, self-absorbed (focusing on their needs at the exclusion of your own), punitive way? Are they trying to connect with you or are they trying to control or change you?

We can often have a tendency to hear criticism - particularly from those who we look up to or want to have a connection with - as truth being served to us by someone who sees something in us, when in most cases other people's criticism truly has nothing to do with us. It's about the other person and what they want.

This tendency to gobble up negative messages from others ties in with the nearly universal experience of imposter feelings - the idea that deep down inside we are unworthy, a fraud and an imposter, and it's only a matter of time before others will find us out and condemn us. This is another feature of dominance culture.

People are much more attuned to negative messages than to positive ones because of the deep, secret fear that we are bad. Which is so tragic, because the people who know us best and have our best interests in mind are the loving voices we tend to dismiss, while the mean-spirited messages from hurtful people are taken to heart.

But as I said before, their criticism has less to do with us and much, much more to do with who they are and what they want.

And what they want might not be right for us, so we should be cautious and considered in how we handle it. We need to unpack and examine it, and only take in what feels fair and helpful and can enrich our lives and lead to growth.

I know I say this a lot, but we should never let anyone else tell us who we are. We are the only experts on ourselves. If we are self-examined, honest and personally accountable, and if we are doing our best and acting in good faith, that is all anyone can ask of us.

So as I see it, you are dealing with two separate issues:

The internalized belief that you are 'too much' for neurotypical people to want to be around.

Issues around trust in relationships.

Recognizing these as two separate issues and reflecting on them as such might help a lot.

The first is an issue of self-acceptance. Only by looking at yourself as worthy and valuable and interesting can you go out into the world and take your place in relationships as an equal who has something appropriate to contribute rather than approaching it as though you are a burden.

Only by championing your own needs, traits and beautiful qualities as every bit as valid and important as the needs, traits and qualities of those around you will you find a balance and build relationships where you are appreciated and valued.

The second issue is something that takes time, but building trust means taking risks - there's no way around it.

Don't take other people's disappointing behavior personally. When we test the waters to see if someone is worthy of our trust and they show us they aren't - that's useful information about our incompatibilities with that person. It doesn't say anything about our selves, or about our worth as humans. All it tells us is that we are going to have to look elsewhere to find the right connection.

Long-winded and meandery, but I have a lot of thoughts on these topics because they're issues I've grappled with a lot in my life. I hope any of it is helpful, Anon. And I hope you find ways to be comfortable sharing more of yourself with others who can accept you and celebrate you for who you are.

I talked in more detail about conformity, acceptance and dealing with people who ridicule our interests/fandom here.

I talked more about dealing with issues around autism here.

EDIT: A couple of follow-up posts

About the limitations and barriers some people face with building in-person connections

Further tips and reading on self-esteem